


The Romance of Self-Discovery

by berryforager



Series: I know it ain't easy (giving up your heart) [2]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Character Development, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Healthy Relationships, Slow Build, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 09:22:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25468489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryforager/pseuds/berryforager
Summary: What's the saying? "The road to healing is paved with questioning your sexuality, and huge revelations about your feelings for your best friend"?For Jen Harding, it is.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding, Michelle Gutierrez/Judy Hale
Series: I know it ain't easy (giving up your heart) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844473
Comments: 92
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the follow-up to "The Most Painful Companion". I ended up making them separate works because they felt so different, though in the same "universe", if that makes sense. You don't have to read that to read this, if you don't want to re-hash Seasons 1 and 2 of the show. The events are the same, I just dove into what Jen and Judy were going through internally. If you really want to get a feel for the head space they're both in (especially Judy, because this one is all Jen's POV), I'd suggest reading it. :) This picks up immediately following Season 2.
> 
> I hope they, specifically Jen, don't come off out of character- I felt there was so much character development by the end of season 2 (even Charlie), so this is how I see these people becoming if they tried to be the best versions of themselves.

"Jen, wake up! Are you okay?!?!"

Jen can hear Judy's voice through the ringing in her ears, the pain in her head.

"What happened?"

"We got hit."

"Oh, shit. Of fucking course we did," she opens her eyes, sees Judy's terrified brown ones staring back at her. "I'm okay. Are you?"

"Oh thank God. Yeah, I think so."

They're okay. Jen tells herself to focus on the relief, not the anger.

*

After the accident, Jen knows she's been given yet another chance. She has a mild concussion, her and Judy both have some bumps and bruises, but it could have been so much worse.

She goes back to the grief group a couple of times, but realizes that setting isn't what she really needs at this point. She asks Pastor Wayne if he has any recommendations for therapists, and he seems elated she asked for his help. "Not one of Jesus' buddies, but you know, real licensed head doctors," she laughs, "No offense," when the smile falls off his face.

He gives her a list of a few therapists, and she looks them up online. "Are there Yelp reviews for therapists?" She mumbles to herself. She actually is able to find reviews, with pictures, even. A couple of men she doesn't really get a good vibe (yeah, she's thinking about people's vibes) from, and then she looks up a Dr. Evans. She's probably in her mid-sixties, kind brown eyes that remind her of Judy's. Jen calls her office to set up an appointment.

She immediately feels at ease with Dr. Evans, and really commits to therapy, and one thing she realizes is she has to let go of things she can't control. Specifically, the car wreck. She hopes the police find who hit them, but she can't control it. What she can control is how she reacts. So to this particular hit and run, her reaction isn't to badger the police, smash up random cars, and release her unrelenting fury on every innocent person who dares to interact with her. Her reaction is to look at the positives in her life, especially Judy, Charlie, and Henry, and focus on being the best version of herself she can be for them. (Granted, things would have been very different if Judy had been seriously hurt. The thought makes her sick to her stomach.)

Dr. Evans helps her with beginning to process her years of grief, guilt and all their friends. It's slow, but she's trying. She's beginning to forgive herself. She's beginning to believe she deserves happiness. (Her mom would have wanted her to be happy.) It's always been easier for her to feel and show her negative emotions because it's what she thought she deserved. She never let herself enjoy happiness even when it was there. She's taken for granted every good thing in her life, not let herself appreciate it, and that was changing.  
Judy was an angel, and had forgiven her, thought she was someone worth loving, still, and that was enough for Jen to start to believe it. Something had changed in Judy after the night in the garage, after Jen's attempt at turning herself in. She stood a little taller, stopped acquiescing to everyone else all the time (*most* of the time, though, still, because she really was that selfless), making sure she took care of herself, too. Jen likes to think part of it is her influence, and it makes her proud. Of herself and of Judy.

Michelle sees them at the hospital after the wreck, is worried, obviously cares about their well-being, and Judy begins dating her again. "I'm taking it slower this time, trying not to fall fast like I always do," she tells Jen. "But I really like her." She smiles, so Jen smiles, too, wanting nothing but happiness for her best friend. Her own smile feels fake, she has to force it, although she can't quite figure out why.

"That's great, Jude. Just make sure she knows if she hurts you, I'll break her face." (She's working on her anger issues, but Dr. Evans isn't a magician.)

"Oh, yeah? That a strategy you learned in therapy?" Judy smiles at her, eyes twinkling.

"Shut it."

*

While they are in the hospital, Steve's body is found. Jen holds her breath for days after they get home, but no one comes knocking on her door. The news is satisfied in reporting he was murdered as a result of a conspiracy with the police department and the Greek mafia.

There's a funeral, and of course Judy wants to go, feels like she needs to, to finally say her last good-bye.

"Are you sure you don't need me to go with you?" Jen asks, sincerely, even though it's the last thing she wants to do.

"No. It's okay. You don't need to put yourself through that. Michelle said she'd come with me."

Jen feels a pang of guilt, acknowledges it and moves on, but there's another feeling there, too. It really is for the best she doesn't go, but SHE wants to be the one who supports Judy. "You're sure? It's okay?"

They'd promised to always be honest with each other, now, so when Judy grabs her hand, squeezes, replies "Yes, I'm sure," Jen believes her.

Ben stops by before he leaves town, thanks her for everything. She hugs him and wishes him the best.

It feels like closure.

*

Turns out the door was still cracked slightly open.

About a week after the accident, Jen is in the kitchen, working on her laptop after a showing. Judy has taken Henry to the zoo, because he has a newfound obsession with koala bears, and of course Judy loves them, too. Charlie comes down the stairs, determined look on his face. "Hey, Mom," he says, sitting next to her. He holds up a piece of paper, at first she can't see what it is. Then she sees her own handwriting, can make out the "J"... oh. Shit. Her stomach drops. "Want to tell me what the fuck this is?" He sounds surprisingly calm, anger simmering, but calm.

Jen closes her eyes. Takes a deep breath. Resists the urge to give into her first instinct, which would be to yell and rage and ask Charlie how he got that letter.

"What did you need to forgive Judy for sooner about dad? And what did you need to confess about? What HAPPENED?" Now he's almost near tears.

She snaps her eyes open, grabs his hand. Her beautiful boy, who has grown up so much in the past few months. He deserves the truth. Well, close to it anyway.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I love you, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way," Jen has to pause, fight back tears, push away the guilt rearing its head. "Steve and Judy were in the car that hit your dad. Steve wouldn't go back. He was very abusive to Judy, and she couldn't stand up to him." Charlie's shaking, but hasn't let go of her hand. "Steve was... dangerous. Very dangerous. He came here one night, threatening Judy, threatening me, threatening our family. I believe he would have killed her, at least, and who knows who else. I... I did what I had to do. And he's connected with some very bad men, and the police, I couldn't go to them."

"You... killed him?" Charlie chokes out. "He killed dad? Judy knew?" God, this is a shitload for him to process.

"Yes. I'm so sorry. I regret how I handled it, and I would change it all if I could, but all I can do now is try to make it right. I tried to turn myself into the police, but they're convinced the Greek mafia he was involved with did it."

A look of realization comes over Charlie. "That's what was on the thumb drive I gave Judy..."

"Yes."

Charlie looks shocked, but, surprisingly, okay. "So... you're safe? We're safe?"

"I think so. I hope so. As long as NO ONE else ever knows about ANY of it."

"Okay. Good. I understand." He hugs her tightly. Jen is so shocked she can barely speak.

She pulls away to look at him. "Are you okay? Is there anything else you want to ask me?"

"I'm okay. I'm glad Steve is dead. I just... how could you forgive Judy? And you made her our legal guardian?"

Jen grimaces. It was hard to explain this one. "She made a huge mistake. She never would have done it if not for Steve. She'd never hurt anyone. You know her, she's a wonderful person. And she loves us. Is there anyone else you'd rather be your guardian if I'm not around?"

Charlie nods, "Yeah, I mean I guess I'd rather have her crystals everywhere than Grandma's pills. Although at least I could make some profit off those... kidding!" He pulls away as Jen tries to grab his head and ruffle his hair. He pauses, clearly mulling something over, then, matter-of-factly, "Are you in love with her?"

This conversation as a whole has shocked her to her very core, but THAT takes it to a whole different level. If this were a movie, and she'd been drinking something, it would have been the perfect opportunity for a spit take. "What?!? Baby, you know I'm not gay."

"I mean, whatever, I don't care. I've just never seen anyone have the kind of positive impact on you like Judy does. Not even dad. So, I'm cool with her. I forgive her, too. I love you, mom. From now on if you could just treat me like a fucking adult and tell me shit."

Jen nods, still dumbfounded. "Language. But, yes, I will. I love you so much." He turns to walk away. "Oh, and Charlie?" she holds out her hand. "Don't take shit that isn't yours."

He nods sheepishly, hands over the letter. "Yes, ma'am."

It's the first time she feels like maybe she has figured this parenting thing out.

Jen debates telling Judy about Charlie finding the letter, but it feels like she'd be lying by omission if she didn't. They don't lie to each other any more. Later that evening, after Judy and Henry are back from the zoo, Jen goes to the guest house to find her. She can see that Judy is painting.

"Knock knock," she says, opening the door, not actually bothering to knock.

"Hi!" Judy turns around from her painting, smiles at Jen like she always does, like she's truly happy to see her, even though they see each other every day, had seen each other that morning. She's dressed in paint-spattered overalls, thin tank top underneath, hair up in a messy ponytail.

'She's so damn cute,' Jen thinks, then 'where the fuck did THAT come from?!' Snaps herself out of it when she realizes she'd been staring. "Whatcha painting?" She cranes her neck around Judy to see.

"Oh," Judy says sheepishly, "it's a koala. I've been wanting to try something different, and Henry just loves them so much, I thought I'd paint him a gift." She sits down her paintbrush, wipes her hands off on her overalls.

"That's so sweet," Jen says, meaning it. She absolutely adores Judy and Henry's relationship. "Um, I have something of yours I need to give back." She holds out the letter.

Judy takes it from her, confused look on her face. "Oh. How did...?"

"Charlie found it."

Judy's face goes white. "Oh my God, Jen, what?! He read it? He knows? I'm so sorry!What did he say? He hates me, doesn't he? Oh shit..." she closes her eyes, clenching her fists, Jen can see her trying so hard not to spiral into self-hatred like she always has before.

"No, hey," Jen steps closer to her, one hand grabbing Judy's, the other gently touching her chin so she'd meet her eyes, and Judy looks at her. "It's okay. I promise. We talked, I explained everything, mostly. He handled it better than I could have imagined, really. And I'm glad he knows. I'm so sick of carrying around lies."

Judy still looks shaken, doubtful. "How is that possible?"

Jen shakes her head. "I really don't know, but it's true. I don't know where the sullen ass-hole teenager he used to be went, but it was like talking to a reasonable grown-up. I'm still working on becoming one of those myself," Judy lets out a half-hearted laugh at that, and Jen squeezes her hand. "He said he forgives you." Judy's eyes widen, and the look of utter relief and happiness on her face makes Jen's heart flutter. She smiles. "Now, where did you have that hidden? Might want to find a better hiding spot."

Judy quickly bends down, shuffles under the bed, stands back up with a wooden box. "Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on this. Hey, there's a joint missing, too!" she laughs.

"Fucking Charlie!"

*

After their car insurance company finally comes to some resolution about the wreck (what a giant headache THAT was), and sends them a check, Jen and Judy go and pick out another car for Charlie. This time, a gently used Jeep Cherokee.

They bring the boys outside to check it out when they get home, and Charlie actually drops his cool guy act to show some excitement. "Seriously?!"

"Nah," Jen says. "It's an elaborate joke. We're about to take it back. Funny, right?"

"Oh shut up. I just mean... I didn't really think we could afford a car in the first place, and then after the wreck just didn't think it was possible."

"Well, Judy very generously helped make this happen," Jen steals a glance at Judy, knows she won't tell Charlie that herself.

"Really?" Charlie looks at Judy. "Did the old people give you a raise?"

"That's actually not how it works, they don't pay me directly-" Jen shoots her a look. "...I sold some of my paintings."

"No offense, but is there really a big market for weird heartless kid paintings?"

"Charlie!" Jen admonishes him.

"I like your paintings! I'd buy them if I had enough money in my piggy bank," Henry says, ever the sweetheart.

"I said no offense!" Charlie says, defensive. "You are talented. The paintings are just kinda creepy."

Judy is laughing at the whole exchange, clearly not offended. "Yeah actually, all I had to do was infiltrate some Creepers Anonymous meetings. Really got them to trust me, showed them my paintings. Then they just threw money at me."

Charlie actually laughs out loud at that. He steps forward, gives Judy a hug. "Thank you, Judy."

Jen feels herself becoming emotional, can tell Judy is, too.

"Of course, Charlie. I love you."

"Love you, too," he mumbles, before pulling away, now turning to Jen to give her a hug. "Thank you, Mom. I love you."

Jen can't speak, just nods. Charlie has never hugged Judy or told her he loves her before, and it feels monumental for some reason.

"Can I take Henry for a spin around the block?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah, Mom, can we?! Please?!?" Henry is already excitedly running around to the passenger side.

"Okay, sure. A quick, safe, spin!" She drops the keys in Charlie's outstretched hand.

Jen and Judy turn to watch them as they back out of the driveway. "SEATBELTS!!!!" Jen screams as they are already halfway down the block. She takes a breath, sighs, lets the feelings of happiness wash over her.

Judy side-steps closer to Jen, slides her left arm around her waist, squeezes. Jen wraps her right arm around Judy's shoulder, squeezes back, as they continue looking down the street. "Thank you, Jen."

"For what?"

Judy pulls away a bit to look at her. "For letting me into your home. Your family."

Jen looks at Judy, sees her own happiness mirrored there, wants to express how she's feeling, if she can put it into words. "Judy, for a long time, this was just a big house with people who were related living in it. You've made it feel like a home, helped me become a better mother, made us a happy family. It's just as much yours as mine. Thank YOU." Judy is smiling one of her patented watery mega-watt smiles, and Jen feels herself get a little uncomfortable with the emotion, still not used to it, mutters, "God, I'm so cheesy."

"What kind?" Judy says, mock serious expression quickly taking over her face.

"Huh?" Jen is confused.

"What kind of cheese are you?"

Jen huffs out a laugh, rolls her eyes. "You are SUCH a dork," she says, but really, she is so thankful for Judy in that moment. Judy knows how hard she's working at expressing her feelings, that it's still difficult, and knows exactly when she needs the mood lightened.

"I'm thinking brie. You've gotten so damn SOFT!" Judy grins.

Now Jen lets out a full-fledged laugh. "Pssshhhh. No, I'm cheddar. SHARP cheddar. Extra fucking sharp."

"Uh huh. Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

*

What's the saying? "From the mouths of babes"? It's fitting that Henry is the person who truly makes her confront her feelings, after Charlie had been the one to plant the seed.

She's pouring him cereal one morning, standing behind the island while he sits, waiting for his breakfast. Judy stayed with Michelle the night before, and Charlie is in the wonderful sleep until noon teenager phase, so it's just the two of them.

"Hey, Mommy?"

"Yeah, boop?"

"Could you ask Judy to teach you to make pancakes? So you can make them for me when she moves out?"

Jen feels the breath leave her lungs, gasps as if her heart has been ripped from her chest. She actually has to double over in pain. How has she never thought of Judy moving out before? Probably because she doesn't want to even put that thought into the universe. (Oh, God, she's even *thinking* like Judy now.)

"Mommy, are you okay?!?" Henry is immediately alarmed, stands up from his seat.

Jen feels words sputtering upward, has to come up with something- "Cramps! Cramping. Time of the month. You know, my period. Women things. Woman pain." 'Real smooth.'

She takes a breath, stands up, pulls it together.

"Why would you think she's moving out, baby?"

"Well, her and Michelle love each other right? Won't they want to live together?"

Jen nods, slowly. "Yeah, I guess so." She stares into space, lost in thought.

"I know we'll still see Judy because she loves us, but she won't be here in the morning. So... will you be able to make me pancakes?"

"I... I don't... they make frozen pancakes, don't they?"

Henry looks at her like she has three heads, blinks slowly. "Um... maybe Michelle could just move in with us? I don't want Judy to leave."

Jen has to swallow down her emotion before choking out, "Neither do I, boop."

She rushes to her bedroom to bury her sobs in a pillow. It's the first time she's done that since soon after Ted died.

Later, when she's calmed down, she tries to process her feelings. (Such a new concept for her, but she is truly trying to buy into this therapy and self-help thing. Gross.) Last year, when she told Judy she couldn't see Michelle, she had a valid reason. Their cover-up was the only thing that mattered then, and Judy couldn't be fucking Perez's ex-girlfriend on the other side of her house (she stood corrected on the layout). But now, with that problem resolved, she can see that wasn't the only reason the thought of Judy with Michelle made her skin crawl. It's the thought of Judy with anyone else, the thought of Judy not with her, with their family. Even when she'd told Judy she needed space, back when they were in the thick of all the shit, that wasn't about Judy. That was about Jen still not knowing how to truly open herself up to another person. And now that she's doing the work to allow that, she realizes how much she wants it- with Judy.

The thought shocks her, though maybe it shouldn't have. She's never been with a woman romantically before, but realizes that her sexuality was never something she'd given much thought to. She'd always known she would marry a man and have kids, always had boyfriends, was attracted enough to all of them, always had a decent sex life, up until her and Ted's misery. But she has never let herself fully connect with another person, not since her mom died. Not a man, or a woman, and she doesn't really know where sex fits into that. She knows she loves Judy, wants to share her life with her, more than she ever has another person. Could she be sexually attracted to her, too?

She discusses all this in therapy, Dr. Evans helping her realize and work through all of these things, but she can't really give her an answer on her sexuality.

"Sexuality isn't black and white," she says. "You can love who you love without having to label yourself."

It has been so long since she'd had true sexual desire for anyone, anyway- hot guy at the grief retreat, while obviously hot, was just her trying to prove a point to herself, and she'd never really had any sexual attraction to Ben. That experience was borne of guilt (shocker!) and someone actually wanting HER, for once.

If she wants Judy in that way, she'll have to figure it out herself.

A couple of nights later, after the four of them had dinner (of course some vegetarian pasta that Judy had made, filling them all with delicious food and love) and the boys are in their rooms, Judy got ready to go meet Michelle for drinks after her late shift at the restaurant. She comes outside to the couch where Jen is watching TV to say goodbye.

"Say goodnight to Blair and Jo for me, ok? I'm heading out."

Jen looks up, and her breath catches at the sight of Judy. She's changed into a simple sleeveless dress that falls to just above her knees, cinched at the waist, dark purple. Her hair is up in a bun (Jen loves when her hair is up, because she can really see her absolutely perfect jawline- 'oh my God I'm thinking about her JAWLINE'), bangs falling across her forehead, silver hoop earrings. Jen thinks she has never seen someone so beautiful, and the feeling in her stomach can only be love, and absolute, crushing jealousy (sitting right alongside the guilt at being jealous when Judy deserves nothing but happiness).

She takes a breath and forces a smile. "Have fun, Jude. Tell Michelle hi. See you tomorrow?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away." She winks, and Jen feels a clench in her chest, and between her thighs. She KNOWS, then, really.

When she goes to bed that night, she thinks of Judy. How she looked before her date, and also how she looked earlier, before she was all dolled up, just chatting with the boys in the kitchen, like she belonged there (because she does). Pictures her eyes, her smile, starts to imagine what she might look like under her dresses, all that creamy soft skin, and suddenly she feels a wave of heat like she hasn't experienced in years. When she lets her hand wander into her pyjama pants, her underwear (something she NEVER does; Ted, and all the other shit she has constantly been living with has really done a number on her sex drive), she gasps at how wet she is.

She comes that night for the first time in... well, honestly, she couldn't tell you. When it happens, she whispers Judy's name, and it feels like some kind of religious experience.

Well, THAT is going to be impossible to come back from. She can't deny it. She is in love with Judy. Wants her, all of her, desperately.

Jen lay there, staring at the ceiling, catching her breath.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen has dealt with many complex feelings in her life, but "yearning" is not one of them. Turns out it's not quite as heavy as guilt, but it's definitely something new she's carrying around, settling into her gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this. This is part 2/3. :)

Jen has dealt with many complex feelings in her life, but "yearning" is not one of them. Turns out it's not quite as heavy as guilt, but it's definitely something new she's carrying around, settling into her gut. She's not sure how she's going to adjust. As relaxed as her first orgasm in years should have made her feel, she could not turn off her brain to get any sleep.

When she finally drags herself out of bed around 10 the next morning, thinking Henry was probably starving, she's surprised to see Judy already in the kitchen. She's making pancakes as Henry sits at the island, chatting excitedly about Harry Potter, a topic the two had recently bonded over. Judy had started reading the books to him at night before bed, and nope, that didn't turn Jen into mush at all, absolutely not.

Judy's saying something about Henry "totally being a 'ravenclaw"', whatever the fuck that means, when she looks up and sees Jen. "Morning, sleepyhead!"

"Hey," Jen replies, hopefully not sounding as awkward as she feels. "I'm surprised you're here. Did you have fun last night?"

"Oh yeah, we had a great time. Michelle had to be up early this morning, so I came home to make breakfast," Judy smiles at Jen like it's her job.

'God, she'd make the best wife,' Jen thinks. Oh yeah. She's definitely in trouble.

*

Jen talks about it in therapy, of course (Not the masturbating. She does her best to be honest and get her money's worth, but no fucking thank you on talking about THAT with a sweet old lady). She tells Dr. Evans that she realized she is, in fact, in love with Judy, and is feeling a little guilty about it.

"You feel guilty for being in love with someone? Why is that? What is there to feel guilty about?" She asks.

"Well, she's my best friend."

"So? You're single, right? Free to fall in love with someone?"

"Yeah, but she isn't single."

"Is she married? How serious is her relationship? You're not asking her to be unfaithful, are you?"

"No, she's not... I'm not sure how serious they are, honestly. And no! I'd never do that!" The thought makes her feel sick.

"Well it seems to me you have nothing to feel guilty about. Is it possible you are dealing with other strong emotions, but you fall back on guilt because it's so familiar?"

Fuck, she's good. Jen feels a clenching of something in her chest. "Yes, I'd say that's possible."

"What do you think you're feeling?"

Jen closes her eyes, forces herself to feel the difficult emotions, tries to label it. "Fear."

"Fear of what?"

"Fear of losing my best friend. She's the most important person in the world to me, she's so important to the boys, it'd destroy me to lose her."

"Why do you think you'd lose her?"

"If she doesn't feel the same way, if I freak her out, or if I push her away because I'm scared."

"Okay. I can understand that. But you are in control of your actions. You can make sure you don't push her away," Dr. Evans pauses. "Is there a chance you are scared she DOES feel the same way?"

Jen makes a face at that. "Why would that scare me?"

"You've lost the people you've loved most before, haven't you? Your mother, your husband, and those losses were extremely difficult. It's why you always keep people at a distance, you've said that yourself. And you just said it would destroy you to lose Judy, your best friend. What would it do if she was more than that, and then you lost her?"

FUCK, she is TOO good. There are tears running down Jen's cheeks before she has even fully processed what she's feeling. "I think you hit the nail on the head with that one, Doc," forcing a short laugh between her tears. She has to pause to catch her breath, calm herself down. "If Judy and I got even closer, and I lost her... I just, I can't." She's shaking her head now, looking down.

"Well, Jen, unfortunately we will all lose everyone we love, eventually. The question is, would it be worth it? If she loved you, too, would it be worth it?"

Jen looks up, doesn't hesitate. "Yes."

Dr. Evans smiles. "I'm proud of you. This was some good work," she hands Jen a tissue. "Now the NEXT question is, do you think she loves you, too?"

*

Jen finally allows herself to consider it. From the first time they interacted, Judy jokingly flirted with her. Thinking of "what are you wearing?" still makes her laugh. But that is just one of her (many) personality quirks, isn't it? So is being very tactile, always touching Jen, but she's just a touchy person in general. Jen knows Judy loves her. It is evident in everything she does; but, Judy shows love to EVERYONE. While Jen's coping mechanism has been to not let anyone close, Judy's is the opposite- she loves anyone who lets her with everything she has. Jen knows, though, deep in her soul, that the way Judy loves her is different. But is it just the love of a true, best friend? Different from the way Judy had once felt about Steve, now feels about Michelle? Or could these same feelings be there under the surface, pushed down and ignored because she thinks Jen is straight? Jen can't know for sure.

Judy has been working on herself, too, specifically her boundaries, funnily enough, now that Jen wants all of her. She will never ask for more than Jen can give her. Jen knows Judy will never do anything to risk their friendship, to risk her relationship with the boys, especially not after everything they've been through and overcome.

If this question is going to get answered, Jen will have to be the one to ask it.

*

"Do you believe in soul mates?" She asks Judy, one night on the outdoor couch, while they share a blanket and a bottle of wine.

Judy shifts her eyes from the TV to Jen, looking at her like she always does, like she actually cares about what she has to say, like she truly sees her. 'No one else has ever looked at me like that', Jen thinks.

"That's a grade A random question," Judy answers. "Where'd it come from?"

"I don't know. Just been doing some thinking. Soul searching. You know, the usual."

Judy giggles. "'The usual'? Wow, therapy has really changed you. Are we on the clock right now? Who's charging who? Should one of us lay down?"

"Oh shut the fuck up. This is what I get for becoming more 'emotionally available' or whatever the fuck..." Jen grumbles, embarrassed.

Now Judy is laughing, puts her hand on Jen's thigh under the blanket, gives it a squeeze. "No no no, I'm so sorry. You know how proud I am of you. I'm just giving you shit."

Jen takes a breath, tries to ignore the fire burning her skin where Judy is touching her, willing herself not to squirm. "It's fine. So... do you?"

"Hmm. Well, yes, I guess I do. Though maybe not in the traditional, Romeo and Juliet, let's drink poison if we can't be together, sense. I think we can have multiple soul mates, and I don't always think it has to be a romantic relationship to have that kind of depth."

She pauses, holds eye contact, like she's so comfortable with. Jen doesn't look away- (something she's been working on) just lets herself get lost in the warm brown of Judy's eyes.

"For example," Judy continues, "I think you're my soul mate." Takes a sip of wine, like what she said isn't a big deal, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Jen feels a swell in her chest. That answer was perfect, was enough, for now. She grabs Judy's hand off her thigh, links their fingers together, squeezes, lets herself indulge in a moment of playing with Judy's rings (God, she has feelings about those rings). "Yeah. I think you're mine, too."

Their focus goes back to the TV, and "enough for now" lasts all of two minutes. Jen can't help herself. "Um," she coughs, buying herself some time, can stop right now, can just sto- "do you think Michelle is your soul mate?" She asks quickly, looking down into her wine as she takes a sip. Doesn't want Judy to see how invested she is in her answer, feels like such a fucking nervous teenager. She finally looks up after a couple of beats of silence.

Judy is looking at her, waiting for her to meet her eyes. Studying her. Jen is careful to make sure she won't find anything, had her mask in place before she looked up. "I don't know," Judy says honestly, with something in her tone Jen can't quite place. "I'm not sure yet. It's not always instant."

Jen feels a flicker of hope she doesn't let show, almost queries "Like it was with us?" but stops herself. She's pushed enough for one evening.

She dreams of Judy's hands that night. The next morning, when she comes, she's imagining those fingers inside her, picturing thin rings lined up on her bedside table.

*

Since she started going to therapy, Jen started working out again, too. Figures she should work on the outside as much as she's working on the inside. One evening she has a particularly hard workout, was really trying to get out some, uh, *frustration* on her bike. She's super sweaty, clad only in a sports bra and leggings, and about to make her way to the bathroom to shower when Judy barges in.

"Knock knock!" She calls (accompanied by no actual knocking, natch). "Hey, how does-" then stops in her tracks when she sees Jen. "Woooo-weeee!" Lets out a wolf whistle, dragging her eyes from the tips of Jen's toes up to her face. "It's a good thing I've got my library card, because I am checking you OUT!"

Jen tries to force out a laugh, because it's what she would normally do- laugh at Judy's flirting that is clearly done in jest. It's getting harder, Jen knows, because of how much she wants the flirting to be real. Other things are getting more difficult, too. The innocent touches that were always present in their friendship are now borderline torturous; like Jen is being touched by a hot iron rather than Judy's (impossibly soft) skin. So when Judy touches her arm to get her attention, Jen flinches.

"Are you okay?" Her tone is immediately soft, concerned.

Jen realizes she hasn't said anything in an awkwardly long moment, snaps out of it a bit. "Oh yeah, sorry, just a tough workout. What's up?"

"So, I was feeling like we hadn't gone out and done anything fun in awhile. I thought it would be good to let loose with my be-fri. Little drinks? Little dancing? I know you can't resist my moves," Judy starts wiggling her shoulders a bit.

"Oh yeah, who could ever resist that?" Jen laughs, a bit more genuinely this time. "Uhh, I don't know, I'm pretty tired..." Really, she's thinking about what a monumentally bad idea it would be to mix alcohol and a prolonged close proximity to Judy with the state she's in.

Judy's face falls. "Oh, okay. I get it. No worries." She smiles, but Jen can see the disappointment behind it, and she hates it more than anything.

'She's your best friend. You don't want to push her away. You can do this,' she tells herself. "Okay okay okay. You win. I can't say no to those fucking puppy dog eyes."

"Yay!" Judy squeals. "I'm going to let you shower, unless you just want to wear THAT?" She raises her eyebrows, mock-suggestively.

Jen rolls her eyes and pushes Judy toward the door. "You should really know to quit while you're ahead."

Jen heads for the shower, telling herself, 'this is fine. This is fine. This is fine.'

After she gets ready and says goodnight to the boys (Charlie being mature enough to be trusted alone with Henry was a wonderful new development), she heads downstairs and finds Judy waiting for her. She's wearing one of her long skirts with a slit halfway up her thigh, white tank top. Her hair is up.

Jen's mouth immediately goes dry. 'This is so not fucking fine.'

*

They're having a great time, Jen finally able to relax a bit after getting a few shots of whiskey in her. It's nice to just be out and enjoy Judy's company, nothing hanging over them like there had been for so much of their friendship (well, there were Jen's unrequited feelings, but no manslaughter, murder, lies, and body-hiding, so... progress?). She's also somehow managed to keep touching to a minimum, so that was helping.

The dance floor is crowded, and Judy goes to the bathroom after downing her third Moscow mule in 15 minutes. Jen is swaying to the music by herself, well on her way to three sheets to the wind. She's fucking hot as balls from the alcohol and dancing, so she gathers up her hair in both hands, holding it up as she dances.

All of a sudden she feels someone coming up close behind her, TOO close, and then a hand on her left hip. A small, delicate hand, and she immediately recognizes the touch in the way her body reacts. Then feels another hand on her right shoulder, slowly sliding up until it reaches her momentarily bare neck. Jen doesn't say anything, keeps her movements exactly the same as they were, afraid of what will happen if she stops, if she acknowledges what's happening.

Judy presses closer, swaying with Jen. Soft breasts against her back. Judy trails a finger slowly up Jen's neck, "You have THE most beautiful neck I've ever seen," slightly slurring her words, Jen FEELS them as much as she hears them, warm breath making her shudder.

Jen immediately drops her arms, hair falling back down around her shoulders, spins around to face Judy, can barely breathe. Judy smiles at her, innocently, like she doesn't know what she's doing to her (how can she NOT?!) and all Jen can do is stare. The club lights are pulsing, Judy's so fucking gorgeous, she loves her so much, and it would be so easy to just lean in and kiss her, kiss her jaw, kiss her mouth, kiss her everywhere... 'NO!' Her brain screams. It CAN'T happen like this. Jen feels sick. "I need some air, don't feel so good" she gasps, running outside to the patio where a handful of people are smoking.

Of course Judy follows her. "Jen, are you okay?!"

Jen is trying to slow her breathing, feels on the verge of a panic attack or some shit, "Yes, just drank too much, I need a minute."

"Are you sure? What can I do?" grabs Jen's arm, and Jen can't take it, yanks it away.

"For fuck's SAKE Judy, I said I'm FINE!" As soon as it snaps out of her, she fucking hates herself. Judy recoils, just like she did that night in the garage, a night Jen doesn't ever let herself think about. Immediately contrite, "I'm so sorry."

Judy is backing away a few steps, near tears, clearly trying not to revisit unpleasant memories herself. She stops. "Okay."

"I mean it. I should never talk to you like that, ever. I just had too much to drink, I felt like I was going to puke. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" Jen is trying to sound as calm as her raging emotions will allow.

Judy looks doubtful, like she knows there's something Jen isn't saying. "Of course I forgive you."

Jen grabs her hand. "Let's go home."

They don't say much on the Uber ride home, but Judy lays her head on her shoulder, and she knows she's forgiven.

She doesn't get much sleep that night.

*

Jen knows she has to do something, and soon. Soon, because A) her body is constantly humming now when she's around Judy, and resisting the urge to just grab her and kiss her is getting harder and harder, B) holding this in is starting to have a negative impact on her emotional health, and she can NOT let herself take it out on Judy again, and C) she knows Michelle will probably do something to make their relationship more permanent sooner rather than later.

It is quite the predicament. Jen needs to put herself out there, but respects Judy and their friendship too much to lay it all on the line, doesn't want to put any pressure on her, doesn't want to fuck up what they have. She also has respect for Judy's relationship with Michelle, as painful as it is. Michelle is a good person, Judy cares for her, and Jen knows firsthand how terrible it is to be cheated on. She can't put Judy in the position to do that to Michelle (probably the ONLY reason she's kept her self-restraint of not jumping Judy, because fuck, it's saint-like restraint at this point, with the sexual awakening she had just *thinking* of her).

Plus, Michelle does seem to make Judy happy, which is what Judy deserves. However, now that Jen is working on herself, seeing herself more clearly, she knows she can make Judy happy, too. She's not perfect, but she knows she and Judy are perfect together. So different yet so similar, yin and yang, complementing each other so well now that they aren't living in toxicity. Jen KNOWS she would do everything for the rest of her life to make her happy, to be deserving of her. She knows Judy loves the boys, and the boys love her, and they could be a family forever. Maybe Judy would want that. She at least deserves to be able to make the decision herself. And if she doesn't want Jen in that way, Jen can accept it, and (try to) move on. Keeping Judy in her life in any capacity is the most important thing.

So, yeah. Predica-fucking-ment. That's actually how she words it to Dr. Evans, who laughs, and then they talk it through.

"You've been letting yourself express your positive feelings more, yes? It's getting easier?"

"Yeah," Jen sighs. "It is. TOO easy. You've opened the flood gates. Thanks for that," she says, half sarcastically.

"It's a good thing, Jen. Letting yourself feel and express your emotions is necessary."

"I know. But you can see why I don't want to completely express my emotions to Judy. It's about being fair to her."

"I get it. Well, maybe it's not about what you say to her. Maybe it's about showing her."

Their time was up, but Jen thinks about those words for two days before deciding how to approach Judy.

*

She waits until after they've cleaned up dinner, and the boys are upstairs. She knows they are both about to have a busy few days at work, and won't be seeing much of each other. She sits down on a stool, with Judy standing on the other side of the island, still drying the last dish. Jen knows they can't have any physical proximity, she can't be touching her right now.

"Hey, can we talk?" 'GOD I hope that didn't sound as desperate as I think it did', she thinks.

Judy whips around immediately.

'Aw fuck, it did.'

Judy leans down, elbows on the island. "Of course. Everything okay?" The ever-present softness whenever she looks at Jen in her eyes.

"Yes," Jen says, confidently. It is. It has to be. "So I'm going to tell you something, and I really don't want you to respond, at least not immediately. It's just something I have to tell you, and if you never bring it up again, it's okay. I swear, it's okay."

Now Judy looks alarmed. "Okay...."

"So can you promise not to respond?"

"...okay, sure." She nods once, resolutely, adorably.

Jen takes a deep breath, seriously has never felt so nervous in her fucking life, is maybe going to puke. "I just wanted you to know, if you and I ever both found ourselves single, I would ask you on a date."

Judy blinks, shocked, lets out kind of a breathy laugh, and Jen looks down at her hands at the sound. "Whaa---? Like, a DATE date? Are you messing with me, Harding?"

Jen swallows, waits for a beat, steels herself before looking up. When she does, when she meets Judy's eyes, she lets herself feel EVERYTHING she's been holding back. The love, the adoration, the desire. Makes sure Judy can see it all, plain as day. "No, I'm not messing with you."

Judy gasps, tears slowly filling her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, closes it, opens it again. She is trying to keep her promise, but Jen can see how much she is struggling, and has never wanted anything in her life more than she wants to kiss that look off Judy's face (this is why she'd kept her distance). Jen breaks their eye contact, looks down again, back up, smiles softly, tries to convey to Judy, 'it's okay'. "I'm gonna go hit the sack. Good night, Judy."

Turning away to go upstairs is one of the hardest things she's ever done. Her heart is pounding in her chest, rushing blood deafening in her ears, she honestly doesn't know if Judy responds.

Somehow, she gets to sleep easily that night. She feels like she's done the right thing, is proud of how healthily she handled that, and feels lighter already. No matter what, she thinks they'll be okay.

That night she dreams of Judy, which has become a regular occurrence, but this dream isn't about Judy touching her like the others were. In this one, they're married. Life is basically exactly the same, but she gets to kiss Judy whenever she wants, doesn't have to share her with Michelle, and she knows she'll be hers forever.

When she wakes, and reality sets in, she's not so sure she'll be okay no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this. Any and all comments are appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this just kept getting longer, but I couldn't stop adding scenes I felt were important, and I didn't want to split it into more chapters, so here you go.
> 
> I realized I had some tense consistency issues in previous chapters (not a professional writer, whoops), but tried to shore that up in this one.  
> *EDIT- I went back and fixed the other chapters, but if you notice any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them!
> 
> Also, note the change in rating for this chapter. I was originally going to end it with their first kiss, HA, that took a turn. I wouldn't recommend reading this at work.

Jen has a therapy appointment the next day, and is throwing herself a little pity party on the way, questioning why she even went down this road in the first place. If she hadn't, she wouldn't feel like there was a Judy-shaped hole in her heart. It's stupid, she knows, because things really are so much better, and Dr. Evans tells her as much.

"So, you think if you hadn't started coming to therapy and dealing with your issues, your feelings for Judy never would have come out?" She asks.

"I don't know..." Jen is waffling, really not feeling this today, not wanting to take a microscope to herself right now. 

"Okay. I know you're having a tough time. But from where I'm sitting, your feelings are such that they would have come out eventually, and if you hadn't put in the work you have, probably in a much unhealthier way."

Jen fixes her with a glare that's only half serious. "Why you gotta be so fucking smart?"

Dr. Evans smiles at her. "That's why you pay me the big bucks, isn't it?"

Jen pulls it together a bit after that, knows she needs to give it some time.

*

Luckily, Jen really is swamped at work the next few days, working late nights. Of course her mind often wanders to Judy, if she's given much thought to what Jen said, but she truly is trying to give her some space. (Is this what it feels like to have healthy boundaries? To really love and respect someone? It's fucking hard. And it can't last forever.)

Friday evening she picks up Charlie and Henry from Lorna's, who had been practically begging her for some time with them, really laying the guilt on thick ("They're all I have in this world, Jennifer"). Fridays are Michelle's night off from the restaurant, so Jen and the boys are always on their own for dinner. Meaning Fridays are always take-out night.

"All right Char, it's your turn to pick tonight, what'll it be?" Jen asks as they walk into the house. 

"Hmm how about pizza? That sound good Henry?" 

"Yum! Sounds great!" 

"Okay, pizza it is," Jen grabs her phone to put in an order as she throws her purse on the couch, kicking off her heels.

"Wow, you guys are in luck! Am I a little bit psychic or what?!"

Jen's eyes snap up towards the kitchen as she hears Judy's unexpected voice. There she is, red and white checkered apron on, rings laid out on the counter (*gulp*) as she kneads pizza dough. "What are you doing here?!" Jen asks at the same time as Charlie groans, "Ugh, does this mean we are having VEGETARIAN pizza?"

Judy looks at him, smirks, then tilts her head towards something on the counter. "I stopped at the pepperoni farm for you. Picked it myself, it's nice and fresh."

Charlie laughs. "Okay, sweet." He sits down on a stool, grabs a pepperoni and pops it in his mouth before Judy can swat his hand away. "Mmm, does taste fresh. Must be pepperoni season." 

Jen just stares, frozen in place, waiting for her question to be answered as Henry clambers up onto the stool next to Charlie. "Yeah, Judy, what are you doing here? Is Michelle coming over?"

'Be chill, be chill, be chill', Jen says to herself as she waits for Judy's answer. No way Judy would invite Michelle over after her little admission the other night, she wouldn't do that to her.

Judy steals a quick glance at Jen, then back at Henry. "Actually, Hen, Michelle and I broke up." She looks a bit sad, but gives Henry a small smile.

Jen stops breathing.

"Awww Judy, I'm sorry," Henry says, with such sincerity it makes Jen's heart ache. He couldn't stand the thought of Judy being sad. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Charlie adds, "that sucks. I liked her. What happened?"

Judy smiles at them both, clearly moved that they cared. Looks at Jen again, *something* in her eyes, and says, "Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. I'm okay. I'll be okay," Grins like she means it, Jen can see all the smile lines around her mouth, maybe her favorite sight in the world. "I'm exactly where I want to be."

Jen coughs, trying to snap herself out of the trance she's in, decides she should probably say something, anything, "We are so glad you're here." She tries to keep the raw emotion out of her voice, fails miserably, but fuck. It's one of the happiest moments of her life.

*

Jen is in a daze during dinner, so distracted, but can hear Judy and the boys chatting and laughing.

"Mommy?" Henry finally asks. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, boop, I'm sorry. Just had a long day," she smiles at him, tries to come back to the present. 

"Are you sure?" Charlie asks, but there's something in his tone, and when she looks at him, he smirks, and she swears he KNOWS. The little shit.

"Uh huh. Never better," not giving him the satisfaction of revealing more. "Dinner was great, Judy, thank you," she turns to look at her. 

"My pleasure," Judy replies, and now the word is bouncing around Jen's brain, "pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure". 'Oh Jesus, get it together Jen.'

"So Mom, since you're in such a GOOD mood," Charlie starts, "can I go to Tanner's tonight? He's got a pretty sweet gaming setup and--"

"Sure, sure," she cuts him off, not needing to hear the details of Tanner's "gaming setup", and honestly happy to have him and his way-too-perceptive personality out of the house. 

"All right sweet. I'll probably just crash there so I'll see you guys in the morning," he gives Henry a high five, "Thanks for dinner, Judy. Your pizza is way better than delivery."

"Well that's quite the compliment, you're very welcome."

"Oh, it's not 'your pleasure'?" He waggles his eyebrows and Jen chokes on the water she's sipping, feels a blush come up her neck, sees one on Judy's face, too.

"Okay, bye Charlie! Have fun tonight!" Jen is practically shooing him away. He laughs as he heads upstairs to get his things, is still laughing when he comes back down and out the door. 

Jen looks at Judy apologetically, and she just smiles back at her, shaking her head as if to say 'It's nothing.'

"All right, kid," Jen says, focus now shifting to Henry. "I guess you get to pick the movie tonight!"

"Ohhhh..." Henry drums his hands on the table excitedly. "How about the first 'Harry Potter'? Judy and I are on the second book now and she said she'd watch the movies with me, too."

"'Harry Potter' it is. How about you find it to rent and Judy and I will clean up?" Henry nods and runs to the couch, plopping down with the remote and Jen and Judy take the dishes to the sink. 

They're standing there together and Jen lets her hand brush Judy's. "Hey," she says quietly, and Judy looks up at her. "Are you okay? About Michelle? Really?" Jen asks, tone soft, caring. Judy nods, "Never better," and smiles softly. Jen feels a smile slowly spread across her own face, she's practically fucking beaming. "Good. How about we leave these for later? I'm going to go change into something more comfortable for the movie."

As Jen changes out of her work clothes in a t-shirt and pyjama pants, she tries to clear her head. She has the answer to her question, it seems, and the feeling of pure happiness is so foreign, she has to adjust to it. She doesn't have to pretend any more, obviously can't just start acting like they're a couple, especially in front of Henry, but she doesn't have to hide how she feels from Judy and that's a start. 

When she gets back downstairs, Judy's changed, too, into her signature kimono with a tank top underneath. She and Henry are already cuddled on the couch, and as she approaches, Judy scoots over, patting the space between herself and the armrest. Jen squeezes into it, and Judy immediately presses flush against her side. They have always been touchy, but this is new, and it's clear Judy is done holding back, too. Jen's heart feels like it could burst out of her chest as she puts her arm around Judy. She can reach Henry, ruffles his hair, then her hand settles onto Judy's arm, lightly brushing it with her fingers. "Okay Henry, press play!" He does, happily, and if he notices the shift that's happening, he doesn't let on. 

Jen has never seen the movie, and it's cute, but all she's really paying attention to is the feeling of Judy against her, and Judy and Henry's banter, comparing the book to the movie, Henry's excitement when he knows something is about to happen. "There it is! There's the snitch!" He exclaims, and Jen *really* hadn't been paying attention, because she could have sworn he said something else. "The WHAT?!" Jen exclaims, and she can feel Judy's laughter rumbling through her body. "The SNITCH. Look alive, Harding, pay attention."

Now her focus is on the hand Judy has moved to her thigh, and how every so often she'll use her fingers to draw patterns there, even if she's talking with Henry. It's not torturous anymore, well, it's a different kind of torture, because now she doesn't have to flinch away, doesn't have to control how her body reacts, can squirm and lean into Judy's touch, not worry that Judy can hear her labored breathing (which she knows she can). Her touch is still fire, but it's one she now thinks she's allowed to feel.

The movie ends, and they get up, Jen missing Judy's warmth already. "That was so great!" Henry says, then yawns. "Judy, could we try reading a chapter before bed? Please?"

Judy looks to Jen, who nods. "Of course. I'll finish up the dishes." She reaches out her arms and Henry comes in for a hug. "Good night Mommy, love you."

Judy smiles at Jen as she walks up the stairs, and she smiles back, only a little nervous that when Judy comes back down, they'll be alone. But she has a plan. She can't rush this, it's too important, and Judy and Michelle JUST broke up. She'll tell Judy they can go on a date whenever she's ready. 

She's still working on the dishes when she hears Judy come down the stairs, approaching her from behind, and she comes right up to her and wraps her arms around her. Judy laughs quietly, "He fell asleep after like 3 pages," she says as she settles her chin on Jen's shoulder. This time Jen lets herself enjoy how good, how fucking perfect, it feels, for a few moments before turning around. "Hi," she says, stupidly, because she can't think of anything better when she sees the look of adoration on Judy's face. "Oh, hi back," Judy replies, resting her hands lightly on Jen's waist. Jen leans back onto the sink a bit, Judy steps forward to follow her, but there's still some space between their bodies. Jen needs it, to keep herself grounded, to keep her from ripping Judy's clothes off.

"So," Jen starts, "I was thinking, if you're free-"

"Yes," Judy responds immediately, eagerly, and Jen laughs a little. 

"You don't even know when I was going to say," she reaches out, plays with the tie on Judy's kimono, can't help herself. 

"Well, if it's all the same to you, I just went ahead and penciled you in every day for the foreseeable future," She reaches up, tucks a strand of Jen's hair behind her ear.

"That sounds perfect," Jen swallows, doing everything she can to keep her resolve, but it's killing her in the best way that Judy clearly wants this as much as she does. "Well, next Saturday night I'd love to take you on a date. There's an art gallery opening, and it's next to this new restaurant near the beach that has some really good Yelp reviews already."

Judy smiles at her like she's hung the moon, says, "You know you don't have to wine and dine me, right? I'm kind of a sure thing."

Jen flushes, but jokes, "Oh is that so, Julia Roberts? Should I leave the money on the bed when we're done, then?" Judy laughs, and Jen continues, "I WANT to wine and dine you. You deserve it. This isn't- I want to do this right, I don't want to rush it, it's too important- YOU are too important." The earnestness is not something Jen is comfortable with, but it's how she feels. 

Judy nods, eyes serious, steps closer into Jen's body. "I would love nothing more than to go out with you next Saturday. That sounds like an incredible date. Thank you," She reaches up and brushes the back of her fingers against Jen's cheek, just letting her eyes roam her face, then reaches down to grab her hand. "So, we aren't rushing, does that mean I can't touch you?" Asks it so innocently, it makes Jen's knees go weak. 

"Um," Jen has to pause, her breath is stuttering at the look on Judy's face, "I mean, I wouldn't say that, but we should probably keep our clothes on," she says it jokingly, tries to laugh, but as soon as she sees Judy's eyes darken and feels her own reaction to the words, she knows it's not so funny. 

Judy leans even closer, mouth up to Jen's ear. "Do you really think I need our clothes off to make you come undone?"

Jen shudders, has to reach back and grab onto the sink to keep from sliding to the floor. "Fuck, Judy," she gasps out, closing her eyes.

Judy pulls back, "I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. You're being so good. I promise, I'll be a good girl, too," Jen's eyes snap open at that and Judy is smiling, coquettishly, knows EXACTLY what she is doing. She squeezes Jen's hand then drops it, takes a few steps back. "I cannot WAIT for our date. I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she walks out the door to the guest house.

Jen can't move, just stands there holding onto the sink while her breathing goes back to normal. She's amazed, will have to reconcile THIS Judy with the one she already knows so well. Even with all the flirting, there is definitely a side of her Jen hasn't seen, and if this is just a glimpse of it...

Jen has never been so excited in her whole fucking life. 

*

The next week drags on forever, because of course it does. Nothing changes, really, except Jen and Judy are touching a bit more than normal, nothing overt. A hand squeeze here, a stroke of the arm there. Each touch a promise, 'soon', and although it's driving Jen crazy, like the longest, slowest foreplay ever, she knows without a doubt that Judy will be hers. She's waited so long already, what's another week?

Saturday comes, finally, and the boys are getting ready to head to Lorna's for the night. A client of hers has a suite for the Dodgers game, and she's taking them, and they're actually pretty excited about it. After helping Henry get ready and pack his overnight bag, she calls Charlie into his room. "Char!" She hollers. "Come here for a sec. I want to talk to you two about something." She knows this won't be a shocker to Charlie, but feels the need to tell the boys about her date with Judy. She doesn't want them to hide it, not even for a second. 

Charlie comes ambling in and plops down on the bed next to Henry. "What's up?"

"Um," she's nervous, knows she shouldn't be, presses on, "I wanted to tell you both that I'm going on a date tonight," she says, "and no one will ever replace your dad, I don't want you to think that, but it's with someone I really care about."

"Oh yeah?" Charlie says, raising an eyebrow. "With who?" He just can't wait to hear that he was right. 

Henry just nods, looks curious. "We want you to be happy, Mommy." 

"I'm going on a date with Judy." Even saying it makes her smile.

"Ha! I knew it!" Charlie laughs. "Seriously, you owe me, you both do, like another car or something."

"With Judy?" Henry sounds a bit confused, but happy. "So like, you love each other like Hunter's moms do?" ('Thank GOD for Hunter's lesbian moms', Jen thinks.) 

"Yeah, sweetie, I think we do." She sits by him and wraps her arm around him. "Are you okay with that?"

"Does this mean Judy won't ever move out?" He's excited now.

"That's my hope, baby." She ruffles his hair. 

"Yes!!!" He hugs Jen, tight, and she looks up at Charlie, eyebrows raised, questioning. 

"I'm cool with it," he shrugs. "She's felt like part of the family for awhile now." Jen smiles at him, so thankful. "Just don't ruin it, you know, by being... you," he adds, and the smile falls off her face as she flips him the double bird over Henry's head.

Some things never change. 

*

Jen feels like an adolescent getting ready for her first school dance as she gets ready for their date. It takes her forever to decide what to wear, "nothing too fancy" she'd told Judy earlier when she asked, but she obviously wanted to look good. Jen settles on skinny black pants and a tailored red blazer with a silk white sleeveless blouse underneath, red heels and a pop of red lipstick. She decides to wear her hair up in a bun, thinks Judy would like that, shivering when she remembers how she'd touched her neck that night. The anticipation is pleasantly thrumming through Jen's body, she's giddy with nervous excitement. 

It's kind of awkward picking someone up for a date when you live together, but Jen told Judy to meet her in the kitchen about 5. She's busy putting flowers she'd picked up earlier in a vase when she hears the door open, turning around immediately. She sucks in a breath as she takes Judy in. She's wearing a dark green dress, the top sleeveless and more form-fitting than what she normally wears, deep V-neck showing off tantalizing cleavage. The skirt of the dress flares out, has large white flowers on it, falls about halfway to her knees, white strappy wedges on her feet. The dress is GORGEOUS, but what really makes Jen's heart pound is Judy's hair. Her bangs have grown out a bit, enough for her to sweep them to the side, and her hair is in even looser waves than it normally is. Somehow, this look takes Judy from a beautiful woman with cute bangs to drop-dead fucking stunning supermodel.

Jen gulps, knows she's been staring, gaping, really, but when she meets Judy's eyes, she can see she has been doing the same. It fills Jen with a rush of pride, love, and intense arousal. 

"Hi," Judy says as she walks up to her, sitting her purse down on the island next to the flowers. "Are those for me?"

Jen nods, having trouble forming words, her throat is suddenly completely dry. 

Judy leans down to smell them, "Red roses and...?"

Jen clears her throat, needs some water or a lozenge or something, "Yellow daffodils. The florist told me they signify new beginnings."

Judy gazes up at her, looks SO happy, and Jen swears she feels an electric jolt as their eyes meet. "That is so sweet. They're beautiful. You've got game, girl," she steps even closer to Jen, who turns to face her, and Judy looks up and down her again, obvious appreciation in her eyes, and LICKS her LIPS, "And looking like THAT?" she pulls Jen to her suddenly with a hand on the small of her back, now their torsos are pressed together, Jen gasps. "Are you sure we have to leave the house for this date?"

Judy's eyes are mesmerizing, and Jen has to close hers for a moment. She's losing her willpower, because all she wants to do is see that gorgeous fucking dress on the floor. A few long seconds pass and Jen hears Judy again, more teasing tone this time, "Cat got your tongue?" Jen opens her eyes, and Judy beams at her, sweet, innocent Judy now. "I really do want to go on our date. It was so thoughtful of you to plan it," she leans up to place a soft kiss on Jen's cheek, nuzzles her with her nose a bit before stepping back. "It would be nice if you spoke tonight though, maybe," shrugs her shoulders adorably, "just a thought. I don't want to be the weirdo who talks to herself on a date. I've done that enough," clicks her tongue. 

Jen finally breaks out of her stupor and laughs. "I swear I'll find my voice. It's your fucking fault though. Holy shit, you look incredible. So beautiful." Judy smiles shyly, and Jen grabs her hand. "Let's go."

*

The art opening is at a small gallery near the beach. Jen knows nothing about art, couldn't care less, really, but Judy loves it, and that's the point. The artist's collection is mostly landscapes, and they're pretty, but all Jen does is enjoy the feel of Judy's hand in hers, smile and nod while she talks about the paintings, as if Jen's looking at them, when in reality she hasn't taken her eyes off Judy once. 

They leave after making the rounds and having a glass of wine each, heading to the restaurant for their dinner reservation. "Which painting was your favorite?" Judy asks when they're in the car, looking at Jen with a knowing grin. 

"Uhh, you know, the one with the trees."

"Oh yeah? You a big fan of trees? Can't get enough of them, can you?" Judy teases. 

Jen keeps her tone serious. "Yes, actually. They were the most beautiful trees I've ever seen in my life," glances to Judy, "I'll *never* get enough of them. I'm madly in love with them, in fact." 

This time it's Judy who's rendered speechless. 

*

Dinner is nice, it's a new restaurant with a lot of vegan items on the menu. Jen orders chicken, Judy has vegetable lasagna, and they each have one more glass of wine. Jen asks if Judy wants a bottle, but she replies, "No, thank you. I don't want anything to impair my memory of tonight," and Jen feels a throb between her legs. They chat about the boys, work, everything, and it feels natural, like it always has when they're together, but Jen can feel the tension growing and growing. They can't seem to look away from each other for even a moment, and Judy declines Jen's offer of dessert. "No, I think I'll have that at home," and Jen feels another throb. Judy is too fucking good at this.

They get the check and walk to the car, Judy's arm around Jen's waist, Jen's around her shoulders. 

"Can we make one more stop before we head home?" Judy asks once they get buckled in. They lock eyes, share a smile, and Jen knows exactly where they're headed. 

*

They get settled into their spot on the beach, except this time, Judy is cuddled into Jen's side, arms around each other. They stare out at the ocean, just content being in each other's company for a few minutes, enjoying the breeze and the beautiful dusk sky.

Judy breaks the silence. "I have to admit something. I lied to you recently, and I need to come clean."

"Okay..." Jen would be worried, but she can tell in Judy's tone she doesn't need to be. 

"Remember when you asked me about soul mates?" 

"Of course," Jen smiles, stroking Judy's hair and thinking of that night, it feels like a million years ago. 

"Well, I don't really think we can have multiple soul mates... and I KNOW you're mine." She pauses, pulling back a bit and turning from the ocean to look at Jen. "I've known it since we sat here the first time, and I saw your face in the moonlight, and you so obviously lied about not smoking weed," she winks, "But I never even let myself dream you could feel the same way."

"I do," Jen hopes Judy can see how much she means it.

"I know," Judy smiles, reaching for Jen's hand. 

"I know you know. I think I knew then, too. I didn't know how to label it, but I knew you were filling a space in me no one else ever had. The circumstances that brought us together were obviously fucked up, but... I think you are the only person that ever could have healed me," Jen can feel tears forming in her eyes, blinks them back. "Isn't it ironic?"

Judy looks straight into her soul, eyes twinkling. Then she smirks, tilts her head to the side, scrunches her eyebrows down in a quizzical look. "Don't you think?"

Jen feels a huge grin break out on her face- she almost bites the inside of her cheek to squash it, but then thinks, no, I'm not doing that any more. She lets herself feel how happy she is, lets herself SHOW it. She smiles so big it's almost painful. "Yeah, I really do fucking think."

The smirk falls off Judy's face and she grows serious. Like she wants Jen to know how much she means what she is about to say. "I've never seen anything as beautiful as how you look when you're happy," she looks up at Jen through long lashes, "I want to make you look that way forever." 

With that, Jen can't wait one second longer. She closes the distance between them, gently grabbing the back of Judy's neck, pulling her towards her while Judy's hands reached up to caress her face, and finally, FINALLY, their lips meet. It's slow, and soft, so soft, but Jen already feels her body being set ablaze, everywhere, and Judy must have felt the same because she whimpers into Jen's mouth. Jen pulls away, overwhelmed, resting her forehead against Judy's. She opens her eyes to see Judy's staring back at her, pupils blown wide just from their short kiss. Oh fuck, Jen was going to spontaneously combust tonight, she knew it. But what a way to go. 

"Wow," Judy breathes. 

It takes Jen a second to be able to respond, there are no words to express what she's feeling, so she settles on, "Can I take you home?"

Judy's eyes darken, almost imperceptibly. "I thought you'd never ask."

The drive home was absolutely silent, Judy reaching across the center console to hold Jen's hand as she drives. The electric anticipation in the air is thick, almost crackling. They both know things are about to change between them, irrevocably, and while Jen knows she wants it more than anything, she's nervous. She wants it to be perfect. When she shifts her gaze to Judy at a stop light and their eyes meet, she sees the love and FIRE there, and she realizes there's no way it can't be. She grabs Judy's hand, brings it up to her mouth, lips brushing over her rings. 

*

When they arrive back home and walk inside, Jen takes her blazer and heels off before sitting down on the couch, Judy kicking her shoes off before sitting right next to her, thighs touching. Jen feels her nerves kick back up again, not really sure where to begin now, wanting to buy a little time, although her body is buzzing with desire. "Ugh, now I remember why I don't wear my hair up like this often. I need to get these bobby pins out, they're killing me," she starts to reach up when Judy grabs her hand. 

"Here. Let me," and before Jen can process what's happening, Judy swings her leg over Jen's, settling into her lap. Jen inhales and swallows audibly as Judy lifts her hands to her hair, gently finding the bobby pins and taking them out one by one. Jen can hardly breathe, can't blink, knows her eyes are wide as saucers, hands finding their way to Judy's hips, taking all of her in. The curve of her jaw, her neck, collarbone, the rise and fall of her chest, the swell of her breasts, "You're so damn sexy," tumbling out of her lips before she even decides to say it. 

Judy looks up at Jen and smiles, "Thank you," sets the bobby pins down, then runs both her hands through Jen's hair as it falls down over her shoulders. "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable," she says, voice husky now, and Jen's arousal ratchets up a few more notches, "but I'm glad you wore your hair like that. I love your neck so much, I couldn't stop staring at it all night." She keeps her left hand in Jen's hair, but the right comes down to rest on Jen's neck, fingers splayed out, thumb stroking, SO gentle. Jen leans into the touch, greedy for it.

"Yeah," Jen replies, voice cracking a bit, "I remembered."

Judy pauses her movements, but doesn't move her hand. She looks confused for a second, then a look of realization comes over her face. "That night at the club?"

Jen nods. "I wanted you so badly I thought I was going to die," she breathes, looks at Judy through half-lidded eyes, nervousness gone, just excitement, now. "I still do."

It seems that Jen's words make something snap in Judy, and she slides further down into Jen's lap, pressing her back further into the couch, Judy's dress bunched up to her waist, now. There's no space between their hips anymore; Jen's immediately buck in response as her hands reflexively tighten on Judy's. "I'm yours," Judy whispers as she crashes their lips together with a force that makes Jen gasp. As Judy's tongue enters her mouth, the gasp turns into a moan. Their tongues meet for the first time, and the steady hum Jen has been feeling for weeks now turns into a throb. She knows she's soaking wet already.

After several moments of sliding her tongue against Jen's, Judy tears her mouth away, and Jen groans at the loss of it, never wants to stop kissing Judy, but then her mouth replaces her hand on Jen's neck. The hand that was on her neck moves to her chest, palming her breasts over her blouse, and Jen's hands snake from Judy's hips up her back to tangle in her hair. Judy's warm mouth leaves a trail on her neck, and the mix of love and lust Jen is feeling makes her dizzy, she can't think, all she knows is Judy. "GOD Judy, oh, fuck," she moans as she pulls her head tigher against her, hips slowly rocking upwards. This spurs Judy on even further, she's grinding down on Jen now, and adds nips and bites in between kisses, soothing the sensitive skin of Jen's neck with her tongue. Jen knows there will be marks, but is so beyond caring, will get the marks fucking tattooed there as long as Judy doesn't stop. 

The throbbing between Jen's legs is unbearable now. "Jude?" She manages to gasp out. 

"Yeah, baby?" She pulls away from Jen's neck, Jen can see her perfect breasts heaving, can't stop staring, then Judy's lips are back to her mouth again, tongue meeting tongue.

Jen feels herself clench at the pet name. "Um," she breaks away from the kiss, breath catching after seeing Judy's eyes, they're BLACK, it takes her a moment to remember what she was going to say. "As much as I want this to last forever, I can't wait anymore, please, I need you to touch me. I can't stand it." She means it, feels delirious, and Judy looks like she wants to devour her, would give her anything she asks for. 

A slow smile creeps over Judy's face, and with the combination of her rosy pink cheeks and chest, it's the hottest thing Jen's ever seen. "Well, I talked a big game the other night, let's see if I can back it up, shall we?" She tiptoes her fingers down Jen's torso to the waistband of her pants, making Jen squirm. "These have to stay on, but I need a little room to work," she says as she unbuttons and unzips them. Then she looks back up to meet Jen's eyes. "And don't worry about it being over fast. We have all night." 

Jen thinks she might come on the spot with the combination of Judy's words and the sight of her hand disappearing into her underwear. She doesn't want to blink, doesn't want to miss a thing, but as soon as Judy's fingers touch her wetness she lets out a guttural moan, head slamming back against the couch, eyes squeezing shut at the sensation. "Oh, FUCK!" Judy's just ghosting the tips of her fingers over her, barely touching yet, and Jen feels like she's about to lose it. She bites her lip so hard she thinks it may have drawn blood, can feel her legs beginning to shake. 

"You are so fucking wet for me, it's so hot, you're so beautiful," Judy says in the bedroom voice Jen is already addicted to. Judy doesn't have much room, but she finds Jen's entrance, pushes just the tip of her finger inside, dragging out some of her wetness and sliding it up to Jen's clit, and Jen feels like exploding already, rocking her hips, she can't speak. Judy circles her clit, so softly and slowly, once, twice, three times, then back to her entrance with two fingers, now. "You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen," Judy whispers against her neck as she pushes in with both fingers, a little deeper but not much, whatever the space she has will allow. Slides them in and out a few times and then back up to Jen's clit, and suddenly she pushes down, hard, fast circles on her clit, and Jen is completely gone "oh holy fucking shit Jude, YES, just like that," and then she's coming, hips bucking wildly and legs shaking as she repeats "holy fucking shit" over and over again. 

She still has her head thrown back and eyes closed as she catches her breath, blood pounding in her ears, can't move. She feels Judy lean forward and start placing soft kisses on her neck again, and this helps bring her back down to Earth. She lifts her head up, opens her eyes to see the woman who just made her fall apart in an instant. "Hi," Jen says, "God, that was incredible," laughs, because she's just so fucking happy. 

Judy is looking at her like the cat that got the canary. "Told you so." "Okay, you don't have to look *that* fucking smug about it." Judy throws her head back and laughs, and it makes Jen's heart sing. All she can do is surge up to kiss her again, suddenly desperate to get their clothes off now that Judy has proved her point. "Let's go upstairs," she mumbles against her mouth, and Judy just nods and climbs off her, grabs her hand to pull her up and lead her to the staircase. 

When they get to the bedroom, Jen kicks off her pants, and Judy grabs Jen's hands and backs her way to the bed, until the back of her knees hit it. She reaches up to pull Jen down on top of her, but Jen stops her, "Hold on," she stands over Judy as she's perched on the bed. Judy lets out a "hmmmph" of impatience, but there's an image that hasn't been able to leave Jen's brain, she needs to create it for real. She grabs Judy's hands and starts taking off her rings, so gently, placing them one by one on the nightstand. It's silent, all she can hear is their labored breathing, and she feels Judy trembling a bit, or is that her? Once she has all five rings ('huh, I thought there would be more') lined up, she looks back down at Judy, who is looking at her like a predator eyeing their prey. Jen swallows, "Okay, now, I've been dying to get that dress off you all night," and Judy immediately reaches down and pulls it over her head, doesn't say anything. 

The reality is so much better than Jen's dreams, she thinks, as Judy's deep purple lace bra and thong are revealed. It's the same color as the dress Judy was wearing the night Jen realized she was in love with her. She's suddenly overcome with emotion, can't believe this is really happening, leans down and grabs the back of Judy's neck with both hands, lifting her face so she's looking right in her eyes. "I love you so fucking much, Jude, I'm so in love with you," can't go one more second without saying it. 

Judy's smile is blinding when she responds, "I love you more," leans up to kiss her softly, then swiftly reaches back to undo her own bra and throw it to the side, grabs one of Jen's hands and leads it to her breast, "and now I need you to touch me." 

Jen growls, "Twist my arm," and brings both hands to her breasts, squeezes, feeling their weight, they are so fucking perfect, she thumbs her nipples, and Judy sighs so Jen repeats the action. She leans down to kiss Judy's jawline, her neck, running her teeth over her collarbone, squeezing her breasts again, she feels crazed, everything about Judy is so soft and sweet and she can't believe she ever lived without this. Jen pauses, needs more contact, "Scoot back, lie down," she commands in a voice she doesn't even recognize, and Judy just nods, crawls backwards on the bed and Jen follows her. Jen lays her body weight on top of Judy, hands in her hair, kissing her wildly, teeth and tongues clashing as Judy wraps her legs around her, pulling her as close as possible, "Fuuuccckkk," Jen moans, pulls back for a moment, "Have you always been this fucking HOT?!" as she snakes her hand down to cup Judy's underwear, pressing her fingers into her, can feel how wet she is and it brings a rush of heat over her. Judy reaches down and grabs her wrist, "Yessss Jen, please," and it gives Jen a boost of confidence that she's having this effect on her, enough confidence to loop her fingers in Judy's thong and pull it down. She looks up to see Judy, naked, hair splayed back on the bed, flushed and chest heaving, and she never, ever wants to forget this moment, burns it into her memory. She leans down to take one of Judy's perfect breasts in her mouth as she slides her fingers through Judy's wet folds, up and down, and it's Judy's turn to moan, the hottest sound Jen's ever heard. "Tell me what you want," Jen whispers as she pulls away from Judy's breast, up to nibble at her ear, and Jen almost comes again when Judy says, "I need you inside me." 

Jen swallows a rush of nerves as she slowly pushes a finger into Judy, and the nerves evaporate as soon as she feels her, "Oh my God, Jude, you feel so good," and she does, so warm and soft and wet and Jen can't stand it, adds another finger and starts pumping furiously. "Aahhhh!" Judy keens, not expecting that, rocking her hips now. Jen brings her mouth back to Judy's breasts, thinks it may be her favorite place, and uses her tongue and teeth to lavish them with attention as her fingers keep working. She's glad she's been doing this to herself quite often recently, because her arm is already tired and at least she's built up a little bit of stamina. 

Judy's hands are clawing at her back, "You're so good at that," she gasps, "it feels so good Jen, fuck," and Jen is so proud of herself, wants to make Judy feel even better, wants to feel her come around her fingers, so she leans back and brings the thumb of her other hand down to Judy's clit, rubbing in circles. Judy slams her hands into the bed at that, grabbing the sheet in both fists, eyes screwed shut as she lets out a wanton moan. Jen fucking loves it, "Does that feel good, baby?" Judy can barely answer her, "Yes, so good, harder Jen, I'm going to come," and Jen obliges, enjoying every second of this, Judy's breathing becoming more and more labored. Soon her hips are lifting off the bed as Jen feels her starting to pulse around her fingers, "Fuck, Jen, FUCK!" 

Jen is amazed as she watches Judy, can't believe SHE did that to her, and she feels fucking INCREDIBLE as Judy opens her eyes to look at her. It's like she is finally settled into her own skin. Her whole body just feels ALIVE in a way it never has, and she knows she is never going to get enough of this. "I hope you know we are never leaving this bedroom again."

"Twist my arm," Judy says as she lurches up and pushes Jen back down onto the bed.

"Oh, Jesus," Jen whispers as Judy works a knee between her thighs, impossibly turned on again (STILL). 

"I need your shirt off, now, Jen, I want to see all of you," brings her soft hands down to the hem of Jen's shirt, her fingers brushing Jen's stomach, making the muscles jump. Jen lifts up so Judy can pull her shirt off, and then Judy's hands are on her bra clasp. "May I?" Meets Jen's eyes, and Jen has never felt so desired, so loved, and nods. Judy slowly removes her bra, then gently pushes her shoulders so Jen lays back down. Judy stares for a beat, "Even more gorgeous than I imagined," and lowers her mouth to Jen's chest. Jen closes her eyes and relishes the feeling of Judy worshipping her, that's what it feels like, lips and tongue and fingers tracing over scars, hands cupping her and squeezing, whispers an, "I love you so much," against her, and Jen feels tears spring to her eyes, know she'll never feel unwanted again. 

As Judy starts moving her mouth further down, the emotion Jen is feeling turns to anticipation, suddenly desperate for Judy's mouth... elsewhere. "Judy, please," she whimpers, as Judy's stopped at her stomach for a moment longer than Jen would like. Judy just grins up at her, doesn't make her beg (such a sweetheart), and keeps going. Jen's hands are in her hair as Judy settles between her thighs, making quick work of her underwear. Then her fingers are gently moving her folds to give her tongue better access, and suddenly it's there, warm and electric on her clit. "HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!" Jen has never felt such pleasure in her life, of course she's had men do this to her before, but nothing more than the occasional "tit for tat" obligation. This is SO not that. As Judy slowly pushes two fingers inside her as her tongue continues working is magic, a noise escapes Jen she's certain she's never made before. Judy increases her pace and before Jen knows it, the strongest orgasm she's ever felt is rocketing through her, as she moans a string of expletives and Judy's name through clenched teeth. 

She feels Judy curl into her side as her breathing slows back down. She wraps her arm around her, presses a kiss to her temple, "I fucking love you," she mumbles.

*

After they've both used the restroom and brushed their teeth, Judy's toothbrush now joining Jen's in its permanent spot on the sink, they crawl into bed. They're lying under the sheet on their sides, just looking in each other's eyes and smiling like they'll never stop. Jen puts her hand on Judy's cheek, thumb stroking over her cheekbone, the tips of her fingers trailing over her jaw. She's mesmerized by the sheer perfection of Judy's face, and it's like Judy knows what she's thinking, breaks into a grin all of a sudden.

"What?" Jen whispers.

"I *told* you that you were brie."

They dissolve into giggles at that, Judy leans in to kiss her, and Jen knows, this is still the same Judy, they're still THEM. But now "them" is EVERYTHING. 

A feeling of euphoria and weightlessness comes over Jen, something she's never experienced in her life. 

She keeps waiting for that feeling to go away.

It never does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore these characters so much, and had so much fun writing this. If you enjoyed it, please let me know, and tell your friends ;)
> 
> All right, I'm gonna go read "jagged little pill" again. Thanks for reading, yall! ✌

**Author's Note:**

> You've been on my mind  
> I grow fonder every day  
> Lose myself in time  
> just thinking of your face  
> God only knows  
> why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go  
> You're the only one that I want  
> (Seriously, can't stop listening to "One and Only" on repeat while I write this)
> 
> Any and all comments are appreciated, even if you just wanna talk about these two :)


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